yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
