I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize