Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize