good thing vaginas are great cup holders
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
