She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize