He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
