margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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