i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Randomize
