wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Boobs speak an international language.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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