Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
