You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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