This girl is more easily done than said...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
