Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize