Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize