It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize