take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
