new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
tonight lets celebrate not being married
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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