What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
