I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
