Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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