This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
