Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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