so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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