My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my shit smells like andre
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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