you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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