Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
