Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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