i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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