i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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