I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
