I can text with my tongue
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
