tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
