Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
