That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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