we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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