Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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