If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
