New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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