I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
