i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
