He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
