I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize