The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
