you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
