Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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