I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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