so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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