dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
