Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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