I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ttyl tear gas
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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