Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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