return my video game
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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