i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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