The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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