He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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