Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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