I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
