How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize