What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
