i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
