First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
